Part 4: The “Prodigals”

Daniel Palmer had served as arts pastor at Chesapeake Church for over a decade. He loved the creative and collaborative aspects of the job. He worked with other talented visionaries, artists, musicians, and technical wizards to produce sleek, professionally-run Sunday services.  He helped streamline and grow the church’s brand, and he incorporated cutting-edge technologies that placed Chesapeake’s production quality way above any other church in the area. 

And everything at the church was working. The church was growing; members were engaged. Not only that, but Daniel got to work at the church with his wife, Caroline, and with his father-in-law, Robert Hahn, the church’s dynamic, charismatic, and talented senior pastor.

After eleven years, Daniel was offered a promotion and accepted an “executive” position within the church leadership. The new position, he thought, would give him an even greater opportunity to help the people at Chesapeake Church grow in their love of the Lord. This was a chance to move past the lights and cameras and to delve into deeper aspects of ministry by discipling followers of Christ and growing their knowledge of biblical truth. 

He hoped it would give him more chances to teach, counsel, and pray with church members. He was also excited about the prospect of working more closely with his father-in-law.

The upward move, however, didn’t go at all the way he imagined. As the weeks went by, it became apparent that his “executive” position was in name only, sort of like receiving an honorary doctorate from a university. It looked good on the ol’ resume, but there was no substance behind it.  His new responsibility was supposed to consist of managing other church ministries … but that was in name only, as well. His ideas weren’t heard. It turned out the main expectation Robert had of him was to join Robert and other executive leadership after work hours to drink wine and scotch, chat idly, and schmooze wealthy congregants. 

According to Daniel, courting wealthy congregants was big on Robert’s agenda. Robert began grooming Daniel on practices to best persuade potential donors to give to the church. 

“He had me target the owner of a car dealership who played on the worship team,” says Daniel. 

As time went on, Daniel came to realize that neither he nor his position were valued by Robert Hahn or the elders. In fact, it appeared there was no leadership structure, whatsoever. The elders didn’t seem to have any say in the goings-on of the church. Robert Hahn made all the major decisions. The tasks he delegated were logistical in nature. He never asked for advice. There was no system of accountability. Robert Hahn ran everything. It was literally The Robert Hahn Show.  

And sometimes the Robert Hahn Show wasn’t so fun to watch. Being placed in closer proximity to his father-in-law exposed Daniel to a side of Robert Hahn he hadn’t really seen before.

One Sunday, the church had held a pledge drive to raise money for a new auditorium. The drive had been very successful, and  Daniel and Robert celebrated afterward with some drinks. Robert drank so heavily that he was unable to walk without assistance. Daniel had to hold Robert upright as he escorted him out of the building through a back entrance to avoid a drama-team rehearsal. He then drove his inebriated father-in-law home.

Drinking, it turned out, was an everyday part of life for Robert. At church, at home, out and about … there was always alcohol. 

“You know, Daniel hardly drank at all until he began working in that position,” Caroline Palmer says.

"I'm ashamed of how much I drank and compromised my and my family’s safety," said Daniel. "But that was the expectation. On-campus, off-campus, in staff homes, and at birthday parties. And this wasn't light drinking, this was excessive drinking. In 2016, Robert had a birthday party after a Saturday service in his office. Several of his friends had alcoholic drinks in the Lobby Coffee shop while the congregation was enjoying live music. It was bizarre and reckless."

On a mission trip to Honduras, Daniel witnessed Robert Hahn, drunk, behaving belligerently toward the other (female) executive pastor and a female staff member. As months went by, he watched multiple families leave the church because husbands didn’t like the way Robert eyed their wives. He saw Robert bully and use and abuse local politicians and church vendors to get what he wanted. 

When people left the church, it was “never” because of anything Robert himself had done. Robert could always give a reason for their departure, and the fault was never his. The fault always fell on the other party. 

But during all of this, Daniel also saw all the good that was being done at Chesapeake Church. The church was growing; people were coming to the Lord. 

And therein lay the conflict. How could you criticize a leader whose work was, on the surface, so successful? If people were turning to Christ, was it right to rock the boat? To point out the glaring flaws, to expose the behind-the-scenes dysfunction in The Robert Hahn Show? 

So Daniel Palmer fell into a habit of making excuses for Robert Hahn. Again and again, he defended his father-in-law’s actions to people in the church body who shared their concerns with him. After all, God seemed to be blessing the church. Why would God bless a church if He didn’t approve of its leader?

But Robert Hahn’s hard drinking continued. The leering at women continued. His questionable behavior became harder and harder to dismiss or disregard. 

Daniel had spent years throwing himself into his work, making his passion for the church his first priority. At home, Daniel's marriage was beginning to crumble. Late night drinks at the church, the fracturing of his relationship with his in-laws, and his inability to express his frustration with the leadership all contributed to an unhealthy relationship with his wife. 

But the Lord intervened. When his second child, a daughter, was born, God drew Daniel’s heart back toward his family. This is what’s important, God told him. And that was when Daniel began to confront what he knew to be right in his heart. Robert Hahn’s character was far removed from the New Testament requirements for an overseer of the church. Daniel no longer felt he could make excuses. It was time to address the issues that were casting a pall over the church.

It gradually became clear to Robert Hahn that Daniel was not going to be a silent sycophant. Daniel was not going to be a puppet who would quietly endorse and support Robert’s totalitarian rule over the church. He was going to be the type of person who would push back.

Robert Hahn didn’t like that at all. He began to freeze Daniel out.

Daniel’s initial response to the freeze-out was to work toward a resolution. He tried again and again to talk to Robert. He even suggested the two of them take a weekend away to sort things out. Robert repeatedly refused Daniel’s requests.

Meanwhile, Caroline Palmer observed all this. She gained insight into her father’s true character, and it broke her heart.

But what could the Palmers do? Both Daniel and Caroline were employed by the church. Robert Hahn was Caroline’s father, not just her boss. Their entire lives revolved around Chesapeake Church. Could they really just up and leave the community that meant so much to them? Could Caroline walk away from the church in which she had grown up? Away from her family?

So they prayed. For a year and a half they prayed. The distance between Daniel and Robert grew.

In September 2016 Caroline asked to meet with her father. Though he wouldn’t talk to Daniel, she knew he wouldn’t refuse to see her. Her desire was to share how she felt about the growing discord between Robert and her husband. She didn’t wish to explore specific grievances; she just wanted to talk to her dad about how she was feeling.

That morning, Caroline sat in her father’s office and told him she knew things weren’t good between him and Daniel. She shared that the tension between the two was affecting her desire to go to work. She no longer wanted to participate in weekend services. She no longer wanted to attend family gatherings. She poured her heart out to her dad.

When it was his turn to speak, Robert did what he did best: he placed the entire blame on Daniel’s shoulders. If Daniel didn’t like his job, he said, he should find somewhere else to go. 

Caroline asked if her father would just sit down and hash things out with Daniel. Robert refused. He rejected the suggestion that the three of them meet. He refused to acknowledge that perhaps it was time to pull in the elders and have them mediate the situation.

“It was a complete attitude of get in line or get out,” says Caroline. “‘I will not bend,’ he told me.”

Caroline was discouraged. But she loved her dad. And she loved her husband. So she and Daniel stayed and prayed, uncertain about how God would resolve the situation.

As the discord between Robert and Daniel escalated, the elders were surprisingly absent. Robert made it clear that the elders had been “made aware” of the situation, yet not a single elder reached out to Daniel or Caroline in order to gain understanding of their concerns.

Robert did ask Daniel to attend a counseling session with an elder at the church’s counseling center. Daniel agreed to the request. Thirty minutes into the session, it became clear that the meeting was less a counseling session than an “intervention.” The elder asked leading questions designed to place the entire blame of the conflict between Robert and Daniel on Daniel’s shoulders. The elder insinuated that Daniel seemed “unable” to submit to leadership.

When Daniel brought up the increasingly reckless behavior he had observed in Robert, the elder dismissed his objections. Robert was anointed by God as the church’s shepherd, the elder said, and the authority derived from that position superseded Daniel’s concerns. 

Months passed. Occasionally, Daniel would have a conversation with Robert that would fill him with hope. He saw these occasional communications as small olive branches. Perhaps they could work together, after all.  Perhaps they could forge a relationship and begin to work on a shared vision for the future of the church. 

But it wasn’t to be. It was always one tiny step forward, two large steps back. Robert undermined Daniel’s work, talked about him behind his back, and manipulated his staff and volunteers. Caroline was a first-hand witness to her father’s deceit, and she was at her breaking point.

She asked for another meeting.

On December 23, Caroline Palmer sat down with her father one last time. She told him she wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt … surely he cared for her and would want to know how she felt? She voiced what she had seen: that since they had last met, things had seemed to worsen between him and Daniel. What could they do to resolve this?

It was Robert’s turn to speak.

Robert Hahn looked his daughter straight in the face and said, “I'm going to tell you something I’ve never told you before …”

Caroline’s heart swelled with hope. Was this it? The first step toward reconciliation?”

“I believe Daniel has a disorder. And I believe your son has it, too.”

Caroline listened in horror as her own father told her that he believed Daniel exhibited sociopathic tendencies, and that he’d noted the same traits in her son – his own grandson. Daniel, he insisted, was trying to “overthrow the castle.” It was clear, according to Robert, that Daniel wished to usurp his position as senior pastor.

Caroline was stunned.

“You once said,” she finally responded, “That if Daniel doesn’t like where he works, he should find somewhere else to go. You know that if he goes, I go with him.”

“Yeah, yeah. Of course,” said Robert Hahn. “You know, last January your mom and I talked and I told her that you and Daniel might leave. I asked her if she would blame me if you left, and she said no. So,” Robert said, shrugging his shoulders, “your mom and I have already cried about that.”

So, in January, Daniel and Caroline Palmer left Chesapeake Church.

To be continued in Part 5: The Aftermath